This Just In!

"You've Got Mail!"

I gave up on AOL a decade ago, but I always loved that little sound and I use it to this day in Outlook. Unfortunately, I hear it about ten-thousand times a day (no really, literally 10,000 times) because the tipline is always on and its always hot.

Ah, this one is really good, actually. An old friend and fellow blogger tipped me off to a scoop on one of the pap-photo websites. Snaps of our favorite child-star turned teen-queen turned slutty rehab-princess doing what she does best have just surfaced. A little retail therapy on Robertson Blvd., dinner with her ambiguously androgynous galpal-slash-rumored former lover, and caught in the act with a big glass of bubbly while hanging out behind the DJ station.

So I start typing, snarky and bitchy but funny, always funny and snag a couple shots from the set to highlight my story. Never more than a couple hundred words if I can help it. My readers aren't known for their long attention spans.

Before I even hit the "post" button, I've heard that fucking "You've Got Mail" beep at least three more times and my workday hasn't even started. I've got my finger on the pulse in Hollywood, I know all the dish before the celebs involved even know someone was watching. I've got eyes and ears all over that town and for a simple little byline (Thanks Mandy, for instance) at the bottom of the post - they'll fucking spill every little detail about whatever they spotted.

God, its a crazy, fast-paced, glitzy world and I am neck-deep in the scandals and parties and who's who of Hollywood and beyond. If you're famous, I'm watching you and writing witty little blurbs about how fat your ass is or who you're fucking, and in which bathroom stall you were caught with blow last week.

And I do it all from my two-bedroom apartment in Canton, OH.

God, I love the internet.